I'm becoming tired of the physical pain. It's exaughsting. My body is weary, my mind foggy, and my soul easily distracted. My heart is warm and cold with no warning.
I'm in transition.
Up until about 4 years ago I was always "working" on my body, meaning through my physical fitness I would gain clarity, or joy, or calm. From about the age of 11 the majority of my waking hours were spent in a dance studio. Learning to move, but more importantly to process through movement. If I had an emotional day at school? I could work through the emotions by working and conditioning my body. I could trust my body to get me through.
As of late, my "work" has been more spiritual, and emotional. This transition painful. LITERALLY. I have known true pain in my body from a very very early age, before I could go to school even. Pain every single day that moves throughout my body in various ways. And now that I'm focused on my mind, spiritual body, and emotional body I understand. This pain will not subside until I get through the internal lessons I'm here to learn.
I'm working very hard BREAKING THROUGH ideologies have that broken me down. I have walked away from " the good girl", I'm learning that martyrdom is NOT love, that I am co-dependant as they come, that I do NOT have to be small to make you feel better. My boundaries are important and I have the right to enforce them. That what honors me honors you. This is deep internal work.
And I'm tired. Physically, emotionally, spiritually......BUT.....
The foundations I built in my formative years help me today! I now understand that I process through movement. This is a Fact in my life. I know that I can literally move emotions or desires through me physically and have better outcomes.
While my focus from physical to internal has changed I also see that until I can process and learn the lessons, I will have physical pain. So until I'm through the process I will keep moving my body!
This is why I teach!